Part 27: Interview 14 - “Dimitri’s Fury” (Or, “Please Stop Saying Princess”)

Interview 14 - “Dimitri’s Fury” (Or, “Please Stop Saying Princess”)

If it isn't my favourite police officer.

And my favourite... well, I was going to say murder suspect, but I'm already quite confident of who the killer is. So... this isn't really an official interview any more.

Does that mean I don't have to be handcuffed to the desk anymore?

Yes, yes, alright.



...There. Just keep your hands to yourself, alright? No touching my maps or files.

But they're interestinggggggg



Now pay attention. It's time for another Grit map.

Victory lies just beyond those woods. Now, more than ever, we need Blue Moon to be strong…

Hold it right there, Boss!

How dare you! I’m talking to the troops!

We’re walking into an ambush. There are enemy units in those woods.

Madness!

I just love the way Olaf reacts to absolutely everything. Never change, Military Santa.

And that ain’t all! They’ve got some crazy weapons pointed right at us. My, oh my… Getting through this is gonna take some doin’.

What should we do?

Don’t fret none. This one’s mine. I figure my abilities are best suited to take on those monster cannons.

Grit, meanwhile, is what I would describe as "effortlessly badass".

Truthfully, Grit. Are you sure you can handle this?

I believe I’ll muddle through somehow.



Ah, just a nice classic nature walk. With cannons.

Oh, yes, allow me to give you the deployments for today.

TODAY’S DEPLOYMENTS
Anton, Infantry
Eduard, Infantry
Alina, Mech
Ludmilla, APC
Nika, APC
Yakov, Recon
Inessa, Recon
Valeria, Anti-Air
Dimtri, Tank
Diana, Tank
Elena, Tank
Leo, Tank
Boris, Md Tank
Mikhail, Md Tank
Zlata, Md Tank
Abram, Md Tank
Ivan, Artillery
Peter, Artillery
Mark, Artillery
Anatoly, Artillery
Valentin, Rockets
Eva, Rockets

Oh my god why are there so many deployments.

You'll notice some new names among the bunch, too.

As the soldiers gather at the far end of the forest, they notice some newcomers approaching. One of them, a young-looking woman who seems to run the troupe, detaches herself from the group and salutes the COs, as well as Dimtri.

"A pleasure to meet you all. I am Alina, commander of the Snowbound Free Company. I believe you hired our services for this battle?"

"Indeed I did." Grit replies, nodding. "Olaf, I've fought with these folks before. If anyone's gonna git us through this forest, it's them."

"Good to see you, soldier." Dimitri says, shaking Alina's hand. "Who's your merry band?"

"The proud officers of the Snowbound Free Company, naturally." Alina replies, gesturing to the three figures behind her. "First, we have..."

ALINA
Age: 26
Personality: Brave company leader.
Proficiencies: Mech, Battle Copter, Submarine

NIKA
Age: 24
Personality: Friendly company support.
Proficiencies: Submarine, Mech, APC

VALERIA
Age: 29
Personality: Talented company scout.
Proficiencies: Cruiser, Submarine, Anti-Air

ABRAM
Age: 37
Personality: Taciturn company powerhouse.
Proficiencies: Medium Tank, Submarine, Anti-Air

Anyway, now that introductions are out of the way, let's get on with the battle, shall we?



Foooooooooooog

Yes, I'm afraid it's-

of Waaaaaaaaaaar

...Yes, Commander, Fog of War. We've seen it before.

Blue Moon CO Grit. Your CO Power is Snipe Attack… You’re an indirect-combat specialist. Did I miss anything?

You know your stuff, don’t you, princess?

Oh, I did not enjoy that.

It’s no big deal. I AM a genius, you know. The Black Cannon’s my invention, too.

Black Cannon, huh? What’s it do?

Do you really want to know? Well, its range of fire is much, much larger than yours. And I’ve tweaked it so it can now fire every day! I’m gonna destroy you way before you reach your goal.

I see… I reckon I’ll have to sneak along through the woods then.

Are you seriously going to try it?

I suppose I am. I’m sure those cannons are as powerful as can be, but being the biggest don’t always mean you’re the best. I think I’m gonna have to teach you a lesson, princess.

I have never heard a sentence with such loaded implications.

It definitely had a dom/sub vibe to it, didn’t it.

Yikes! I’m so scared! NOT!

Listen up, soldiers! Our goal is to reach our HQ on the far side of these woods. Unit type is not a factor. Any one of you reaches the HQ, we win. As long as you’re in the woods, you’re safe from cannon fire, so rest there. Now, we cannot allow the HQ to be captured. So if you run into any enemy infantry, be sure to give ‘em somethin’ to remember you by. All right, let’s move out!



So, there's three cannons between these units and the HQ, not to mention a whole host of forests and Blue Moon properties.

Yeah, that's quite a bit. What's the plan?



Zlata's medium tank trundles forward, preparing the mighty bazooka. "Alright, let's get the guys we can see before we worry about the ones we can't see!"



"Leo, you and I will be the frontrunners." Dimitri says. "There's a chance that two tanks will push through this forest much more easily than our entire force. We wanna avoid conflict at all costs."

"Hmph! You take the left, I'll take the right." Leo replies through the transceiver. "We can't afford any mistakes, Dimitri!"

"I know." Dimitri replies. He and Leo are well aware that if they are caught by the enemy, there is no chance of backup saving them.



Diana finishes off the recon that Zlata weakened, but in doing so...



A hidden artillery! Ugh, this is why I hate Fog of War.

Thankfully, Eva has it under control.



Unfortunately, she doesn't quite score the kill, but at least the artillery can't do any damage now.

True. And Valentin's making a start on the enemy tank, I see.



Valentin and Elena are more than capable of deleting a single tank. And with that, it is time to make progress.



As you saw, Dimitri and Leo will be the ones actually going for the enemy HQ, but in order to put paid to those Black Cannons, get rid of the troops in the forest and back them up, the other troops will need to advance too. On that note, Anton hops into Ludmilla's APC and Alina gets inside Nika.



And this is how the troops shape up at the end of the turn.



Lash's turn. Let's see just what she's got hiding in the fog...



A tank and recon? That's not too worrisome, though there might be more coming.



There's also units moving around further up the map, dipping in and out of the fog. It's a bit unsettling.

No kidding.



Thankfully nothing attacked, so Grit can remove these threats without concern.



First our lads Dimitri and Leo continue their journey. They're pulling ahead of the pack now - I just hope they don't run smack-bang into some enemy rockets or something.

So long as they stick to the forests, rockets, artilleries and even the Black Cannons won't be able to slow them down.



Valentin decides to get rid of this recon. Ivan, the artillery, is also there, but he needs to keep moving - he's got a mission to complete.



And that lowest-down artillery, Anatoly, can take out the enemy artillery! Nice. So far Lash hasn't been too threatening.



True. The troops progress north once more, revealing some more enemies. Infantry, too.

Turn-by-turn, Dimitri and Leo have more than enough movement to reach the HQ before the infantry do. Besides, they're gonna get slowed down by their obsessive compulsion to capture property.





Not this turn, I'm afraid. Again, no attacking - Grit has used the trees to his advantage - but we hear lots of movements from this middle area. Getting through here unscathed will be tough.

Thankfully, the only units that actually need to go through there are Dimitri and Leo; they can sneak by just fine.



Speaking of, time for them to advance.



Quite so. Leo positions himself here; the next set of trees is exactly five spaces north, which he can just about reach with his movement.



Elena shoots a recon, meanwhile.



Not enough damage to finish it off, though, so Yakov has to double back and finish it.



Dimitri and Ivan head north, meanwhile. Ivan's almost reached his goal, whilst Dimitri, like Leo, is about halfway towards the HQ now. This mountain line marks the rough halfway point.



And once more, the rest of the units advance slowly, sticking to the forests.



Hey, there we go! I told you, they're gonna be at least a couple of days capturing all of these juicy Blue Moon properties.

Yes... I see what you mean about Black Hole troops and constantly capturing property.



Alright, halfway there. Come on, Dimitri and Leo. Let's finish this map and move on already.



Leo heads north to the position he spotted...



Oh god.

"Dimitri, I'm in a bit of trouble!" Leo hisses into the transceiver. Dimitri, hidden in the forests on the other side of the mountain range, sighs.

"Dammit. Leo, what's going on? I can get over there-"

"I don't think so. I'm pinned down pretty tightly - a tank and an enemy artillery are right on my heels!"

"Leo! Is there any way you can hide in the fog until they pass?" Ludmilla says.

"Ludmilla's right. Leo, fall back - I'll handle this!" Dimitri says.

Leo chuckles, glancing up through the trees and catching sight of monolithic silhouette of the Black Cannon in the distance.

"No such luck. The Black Cannon's got its sights on me. Even if I ran, I couldn't outrun that."

"My troops aren't far enough ahead to be of any use." Alina replies. "I'm sorry, Leo."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm feeling pretty pissed - I'll take a few of these assholes down before I go."

"Fall back, Leo, and that is an order!" yells Dimitri, but Leo turns his transceiver off, glancing up at the tanks surrounding his position. In the rolling mists ahead, he can see the artillery unit preparing to fire.

"It's gonna take every single one of you to take me down." Leo hisses, then his voice ascends into a yell. "NOW WHO WANTS THE FIRST PIECE?!"



Dimitri situates himself in a forest, knowing that there's nothing he can do to help Leo.



The rest of the troops move themselves up. It's oddly quiet this turn.



And the Black Cannon fires.



"Heh... that all you got?!" yells Leo. "Come on! Give me something I can actually feel! Hit me! HIT ME!"



Unfortunately for Leo, the artillery is about the oblige.



...

"Leo..." murmurs Ludmilla. There's a silence that suffuses over the troops, hanging even more thickly than the fog that surrounds them.

"Don't lose hope!" shouts Inessa.

"My sister is right." Yakov says. "We must continue."

"By hell we are." Dimitri growls. "I'm still here and fighting! Pull together, soldiers of Blue Moon!"



And then an anti-air hears his yelling and comes over to investigate.

Oh, god, he's given away his position!



For a moment, Dimitri wants to go in all guns blazing as a tank lines up to attack him, but suddenly a cry comes through his transceiver.

"Dimitri! It's up to you!"

He pauses for a moment. "Zlata..."

"She's right - don't engage the tanks! Get out of there and head for the HQ!" Boris shouts.

"Right you are, Zlata. I forgot myself for a minute there." Dimitri replies, reminded, not for the first time, of the battle in the Alara region. "I'll take evasive action. Hang in there for just a couple more days, troops. I won't fail you."

"You'd better not - you already failed Leo." hisses Diana. Dimitri ignores her.



God, things are suddenly really not good. If Dimitri is caught again, he's toast, and there's no-one else close to the HQ.

Indeed. It all rests on the commander of Olaf's Mercenaries.



He installs himself in these trees, praying that the tank and anti-air didn't see where he went.



Ah, that was Ivan's secret mission. Taking out the cannon!

Correct. The other one will also be under assault soon, once Zlata reaches it.



The troops haven't moved much, but here they are. There's nothing to do now but wait.



"Dimitri, you're in position." Alina says. "How's it looking out there?"

"Lookin' bad. There's enemy troops headed this way." replies Dimitri quietly. "The fog and forest might hide me, so long as they don't come too close."

"Good luck, soldier. We're counting on you." Alina says. She lets out a sigh, and murmurs commands to her troops. "Free Company, prepare to move north. He's not gonna last long, so we might need to be the ones to make the run to the HQ."



The anti-air rolls right up to Dimitri's position...



...And drives right past him.

God, Ruin, don't scare me like that. I thought he was finished for a sec there.



With that, though, he has the chance to sneak even closer to HQ now. He's almost to the other side of the forest.



Come on... come onnnnnn...



There are other things down south to attend to, though.



Ah, Zlata's reached one of the Black Cannons. Open her up and give her everything you've got, Zlata! Nice and hard!

That's definitely the worst thing you've ever said.



Ahem. Anyway, Ivan is able to take out this Black Cannon, also.



Reducing it to mere rubble. Not bad at all - was that two shots from an artillery? Even Zlata needs three hits to take it out.

Grit is the ranged weapons expert, my dude.

Oh. Right. Makes sense.



But now it's time for judgement day.



Dimitri hears the distant rumbles of anti-air treads and closes his eyes, praying, for the first time in his life, to a deity he doesn't even know the name of. Don't let them find me...



"Commander Lash, we can't find the enemy tank."

"He must be here somewhere!" yells back a voice through the anti-air's transceiver. "A tank doesn't just disappear, you doofus. Ugh, I have to do everything myself around here. Gather all troops! Search that forest thoroughly and find that remaining tank!"



Oh my god, is that it?



Well, first, it's time for some well-warranted revenge on Lash's troops. First, Mark damages the Black Cannon, bringing it to exactly 1 HP.

That's almost impressive.



And using Zlata here was just sheer overkill.



Overkill is the best kind of kill, my dude.

Correct.



Speaking of overkilling, Peter absolutely blows this mech off the face of the earth without even trying.

Poor fucker didn't even see what was coming. This must be what Grit feels like every Fog of War map...



A tank screeches out of the forest, but before any of the Black Hole troops can react, it is already closing the distance between the forest and the Blue Moon HQ.



A man's roar can be heard above the noise of tank treads grinding the ground. "I am Dimitri Kustov, Commander of Olaf's Mercenaries and soldier of Blue Moon! And for the life of Leo, you will not receive mercy nor forgiveness, so beg whilst you can! Your end is nearer than you think!"

It is a legendary charge - one lone tank, at maximum speed, has outpaced the entirety of Lash's forces and completed the arduous journey through the forest of Black Cannons. The moment his treads touch HQ's ground, Dimitri knows that Blue Moon have won.



They fucking did, too. My god, they did it.

"We did it!" the troops yell, celebrating Dimitri's victory, though there is a sombre air about it, knowing that their victory cost a life. Dimitri meets with the Snowbound Free Company and nods at Alina.

"So, you're leaving us now?" he asks. She nods. "Well, thanks for joinin' us. I couldn't have made it without your help. Shame we can't continue serving together."

Eva runs up to Dimitri, going for a high-five, which he meets somewhat half-heartedly. "Congratulations! I'm so glad we made it through. We lost a friend, but we did great. You did great, Dimitri. Oh! You're the Free Company, right? Are you heading off now?"

Alina stares at the dark-skinned girl, her beautiful locks of blond, charming smile and blue-framed glasses, and for a good few minutes, her mind goes blank.

"I... suppose we could stay for a bit longer." she murmurs. "We'll stay for now."

"Oh, really? Well, glad to hear it." Dimitri replies, nodding. He and Eva leave, and behind Alina, there's an awkward cough.

"What is it, Valeria?" she asks without turning around.

"Did you just sign us up to a war because that girl was cute?"

Alina bites her lip. "...Maybe. But she is really, really cute."

"Unbelievable," grumbles Valeria good-naturedly as she chides the smitten leader of the Snowbound Free Company. "Absolutely unbelievable..."

I can’t be defeated here… It’s not possible!

You remember this day, princess.

He’s doing the princess thing again

I'm reporting the exact words that I heard, my dude. Sorry.

This is where you learned what it means to make Blue Moon your enemy.

Don’t worry, I’ll remember. Remember that I have to crush you! Next time we meet, the result will be different! Toodles!

She really is a baffling girl.

My, oh my… Glad to see the end of that.

That was great, Commander Grit!

Well done, Grit!

Olaf? Being nice to Grit? I simply cannot believe it.

After today, I can see the day of our ultimate victory approaching! All we need to do is march out to meet it! Let’s march!



Still an S rank despite the, uh... despite Leo.

You must admit it was a rather simple map.



Grit continues to want the easy life. To be fair, I know how he feels. When you beat a Fog of War map, your immediate first though is always 'god I hope I don't see another one of those for at least fifteen missions'.



Either way, his mission is complete. So we have some more missions waiting for us.

Ah yes, my favourite pornos, "Bearded Man's Tangle With A Big Thick Missile" and "Young CO Gets Bombarded By Black Hole".



Quite so. But there's also a final battle to come, so we can look forward to that. The day of Blue Moon's salvation is at hand. And... this is usually the part where I get you to tell me about Dudecon, but I suppose we don't need to do that anymore.

Who is the killer? You said you were confident.

I am, however, also feeling rather playful. So let me issue a challenge. If you and the audience can find the killer yourselves before the end of the final battle of Green Earth, I will tell you a secret about the Wars World campaign, and I will give you the power to save a single soldier during the final battle.

...Huh. I didn't know you had such power. But sure, I'm game.

Here are my notes on the event. You may find them useful to refer to.

OK, let's see here...

***

Part 14 Additional